OPINION - GIRLS
MAY 23, 2014, 4:14PM JST
By JENNIFER GUTIERREZ Fantasy to Reality vs. Reality to Fantasy Girls grow up waiting for their Prince Charming CHIBA, Japan - If it weren't for all of those apocryphal happily ever after movies that taught little girls that endings always look Hollywood perfect or depicted the ideal life after merely a few hurdles, the demands of meeting the perfect man would barely be exercised. I remember being that little girl who thought I could effortlessly find my "Prince Charming" and I just knew he would treat me like his royal wife while living in an extravagant castle with all of the toys I could ask for. His strong attitude and muscles could fight against all odds at any time and place. At times, I subconsciously daydream well beyond my current means, but it is more attainable than what some cartoons delineated. |
What we did not see in those movies were the realities of authentic situations. In some ways, Hollywood is making some modifications to parallel them with the current times. All males do not fit Hollywood's perception of "handsome" and not all men will fight for you. Some of them are just not the fighting type. Why should anyone have to fight? Parents are responsible of telling their daughters that those movies are a figment of some people's imaginations, not just that but immaculate endings are embedded wishful thoughts. Unless we live in cartoons. We cannot foresee the future so simply even if we plan it. Well, unless it is the weather and we all know the forecast is not always on point.
What do you do when parents wish their little pumpkins the same unattainable goals their daughters want and think that their daughters should have a pristine life or that their potential future husbands will fulfill the requirements of a Prince Charming? No pressure on men right. I cannot count how many times I thought that the boy I liked would always feel the same. I was baffled. When it happened, the story never panned out like movies. Why isn't this going as I see it on TV or my favorite movies? We can only guide our daughters or future ones by teaching them how to be happy as independent beings.
This may not happen in all parts of the world, but I have spoken to women in the United States, Dominican Republic and Japan and the saddened truth resonates the same way. Over and over, I have directly and indirectly heard parents tell their girls how they will grow up to get married and have children. Whether the conversation related to parents discouraging too much dating in order for their daughters to preserve some dignity and focus on being with one person, learning how to cook for the future husband or take care of their skin. These conversations appeared to have no benefit to the child, but the invisible man that would someday appear at their doorstep and sweep them off their feet.
Many of these hearty topics should focus on a girl's natural development and benefit. Even so, around the world and particularly in countries uniform with Dominican Republic's traditional customs, moms are preparing their daughters for marriage. Doubtfully to find them husbands while they are studying for their fifth grade final exams, but by getting an early start for that potential stud that may or may never come. In a blissful scenario, her superwoman skills will win him over ensuing the decade she spent honing the ideal housewife art. This should win her over if and when a fierce rival springs out with their own set of homemaker abilities. Throughout my life, this has happened a total of nil times before my eyes.
Nowadays, the divorce rate is increasing for a number of reasons. Why didn't they anticipate this on TV or the movies? Unless they saw it happening during their youth, it is doubtful they could be ready for the drama that occurs next. If asked about my future during my elementary years, I could certainly say I did not know I would be as headstrong as I am today. Terribly stubborn in addition to that, contrary to the majority of Dominican and Japanese women whose generally peaceful lives I have loosely or closely witnessed. Parents rarely tell their daughters that they might end up dating a few guys, in other cases a lot of people before marriage. Three of many reasons for this are the wishes that their offspring would find the optimal person right after they graduate, start that family and live happily ever after. Easy as pie! What are the odds? I admit, it is possible on occasion.
Tragically typecast, girls are "supposed" to act a certain way. Television depiction has carried on a platter their presupposed thinking pattern, what colors suit them, what kind of people she should like and the bottomless list goes on. Let me think, I am a woman so pink and purple should be my first two choices. Oh and forbid a man from likes the color pink. He is instantly judged. Who cares? I won't get into that since I want this article to center solely on girls and women. I have a dear friend who has a 5 or 6 year-old daughter and a son a few years younger than her. He openly shared with me that the brother's toys began appealing to her so my fretful friend in a haste wanted to break her out of that forbidden habit. Girls should not commonly play with boy toys. This is what I figured he was thinking. It was not by reason of greediness, but because her "femininity" was endangered in his eyes. What does that mean anyway? Will that discredit her from being a girl?
What do you do when parents wish their little pumpkins the same unattainable goals their daughters want and think that their daughters should have a pristine life or that their potential future husbands will fulfill the requirements of a Prince Charming? No pressure on men right. I cannot count how many times I thought that the boy I liked would always feel the same. I was baffled. When it happened, the story never panned out like movies. Why isn't this going as I see it on TV or my favorite movies? We can only guide our daughters or future ones by teaching them how to be happy as independent beings.
This may not happen in all parts of the world, but I have spoken to women in the United States, Dominican Republic and Japan and the saddened truth resonates the same way. Over and over, I have directly and indirectly heard parents tell their girls how they will grow up to get married and have children. Whether the conversation related to parents discouraging too much dating in order for their daughters to preserve some dignity and focus on being with one person, learning how to cook for the future husband or take care of their skin. These conversations appeared to have no benefit to the child, but the invisible man that would someday appear at their doorstep and sweep them off their feet.
Many of these hearty topics should focus on a girl's natural development and benefit. Even so, around the world and particularly in countries uniform with Dominican Republic's traditional customs, moms are preparing their daughters for marriage. Doubtfully to find them husbands while they are studying for their fifth grade final exams, but by getting an early start for that potential stud that may or may never come. In a blissful scenario, her superwoman skills will win him over ensuing the decade she spent honing the ideal housewife art. This should win her over if and when a fierce rival springs out with their own set of homemaker abilities. Throughout my life, this has happened a total of nil times before my eyes.
Nowadays, the divorce rate is increasing for a number of reasons. Why didn't they anticipate this on TV or the movies? Unless they saw it happening during their youth, it is doubtful they could be ready for the drama that occurs next. If asked about my future during my elementary years, I could certainly say I did not know I would be as headstrong as I am today. Terribly stubborn in addition to that, contrary to the majority of Dominican and Japanese women whose generally peaceful lives I have loosely or closely witnessed. Parents rarely tell their daughters that they might end up dating a few guys, in other cases a lot of people before marriage. Three of many reasons for this are the wishes that their offspring would find the optimal person right after they graduate, start that family and live happily ever after. Easy as pie! What are the odds? I admit, it is possible on occasion.
Tragically typecast, girls are "supposed" to act a certain way. Television depiction has carried on a platter their presupposed thinking pattern, what colors suit them, what kind of people she should like and the bottomless list goes on. Let me think, I am a woman so pink and purple should be my first two choices. Oh and forbid a man from likes the color pink. He is instantly judged. Who cares? I won't get into that since I want this article to center solely on girls and women. I have a dear friend who has a 5 or 6 year-old daughter and a son a few years younger than her. He openly shared with me that the brother's toys began appealing to her so my fretful friend in a haste wanted to break her out of that forbidden habit. Girls should not commonly play with boy toys. This is what I figured he was thinking. It was not by reason of greediness, but because her "femininity" was endangered in his eyes. What does that mean anyway? Will that discredit her from being a girl?
Girls encompass contrasting personalities and go through countless stages before setting into their comfort zone. Some of them are as pearly and princess-like as portrayed on TV and others as boyish as hardcore football players. Some parents celebrate the ever-changing phases in their blossoming little ones' lives, while others fear what they might become. Could they turn into monsters? Some parents later find a way to become tyrannical with their rules. Allowing girls to express their identities from their diaper days to womanhood is celebrating them for who they really are. They may turn out to become like their parents wish or not. That is what makes them individuals. Whose personality is it anyway?
My mother used to dress me up in the most adorable outfits. I loved them. Nonetheless, I grew up dressing less adorable. In Japan, similar precious fashions begin early on and continue onto adulthood for countless women. I cannot say that I have seen more than a couple handfuls of women dressing down in Japan. Let me add that I have been here for over two years. From time to time I enjoy a beautiful outfit, but I prefer a nice pair of comfy jeans or sweats and heavenly sporty sneakers. A few parents I grew up with from America and Dominican Republic feel their kids should dress the way the adult say they must. Questioning the parents is in essence like hitting a police officer with a bat. Trouble! Their children later become dependent on them, on occasion giving the parents ruling statuses to control their children's every move. Girls, in some cases, listen to their mothers to discern who they should be. This reminds me of a conversation I partook in with a good friend of mine, Sadiqa Oshiro who is a cultural mix of Japanese and Pakistani. She grew up feeling free to think and wear just about anything she wanted. I revealed that, "If I have children, they are going to learn how to choose their own clothes regardless of how silly they may look in my eyes." Of course, sending your child to school with nothing more than underwear would be foolish. There has to be some guidance. Not monarchy, but advice. Freedom of self expression is key to feeling less inhibited. That is what our girls need, they need to step out of the utopia we have locked them into. Instead, we can teach and grant them to make sound decisions. I have been an eyewitness to more independent girls in Japan than any other societies I have lived in. That, I greatly admire! I am a firm believer of achieving just about anything we put our minds to. It is possible with extensive work and persistence. Nothing that is difficult to acquire is a piece of cake. Heard that before? I don't know how many times I wished I met my prince on a sad day. Why did I do that? Those movies were intuitively embedded in my naive and evidently imaginary mindset telling me that someone as gorgeous as that main character would save me from my pitiful sorrow. Pathetic! I should have known better, but the hope always remained. There is nothing wrong with yearning to meet a person of one's dreams. Yet, the guy in the movies has a jillion implausible qualities that the main actor playing the role does not possess. Sometimes girls grow up liking other girls, marriage is not in their desired goals, meeting people could be awkward, detrimental health issues may spring up by surprise and so on. There is so much to life than to follow someone else's dream or depiction of what girls should be, like or want. Let's appreciate our personalities by the way they already express themselves, not to ameliorate them to fit the mundane status quo. Our personalities should be admired signatures. Let's bring the best out of them. |
What if this happened?
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